Chapter - 2

It’s suffocating.

The smell of blood and sterile permeates my senses. I chose this way of life and should have been used to it by now, but it still astonished me how intimately I handled the essence of life.

I had been filling in as assistant while the lead surgeon worked in swift precision throughout the surgery. The nurses were carefully keeping note of the vitals but then it took a life-threatening turn when the heart rate started to plummet. The nurses adjusted the oxygen levels with grave urgency while I had to take up the scalpel and address the worsening condition alongside the lead surgeon.

Has the scalpel always been this heavy?

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve pondered this. The tension in the room was palpable and silent amidst the fleeting beeping of ECG. The dread had set upon when no one could hear anything but the bated breaths of the team in the room. The operation was unsuccessful.

A dreadful weight bears upon the tool you hold to operate; the weight of a human’s life.

I walked out of the operating theater, bearing the heavy news up my sleeves. The distraught family members of the patient were in shambles and it tore my heart apart. The distant cries and screeching wheels of the stretcher became amplified. I looked at my shaking hands, each tremble resonated something deep inside me. I walked towards my cabin as colleagues passed by sharing a few empathetic words, but it fell short as my ears were ringing. With each breath, each step I took; I was nearing a conclusion. With a paper and pen in hand, I made the decision.

I walked out of the director’s cabin, finally sucking in the much needed air after the conversation. I looked at my watch realizing that it’s already past 1. I gathered all my belongings and made my way out of the office by booking a cab home. My mind was still buzzing but more in control of my own emotions. The whole journey back was spent gazing at the familiar corners, streets and neighborhood pass by.

After an hour and half, I reached the housing complex and swiftly beelined towards the apartment with the remaining energy I had left. I gently unlocked the door and entered the dimly lit hallway. I could only conclude that everyone in the house was asleep by then. After putting the coat on the hanger, I sank into the couch and lay there lifelessly. Something soft tickled near my legs, and I couldn’t help smile after seeing who was responsible for the nudging. Charlie had come out to greet me, or should I say demand food? Either way, I scooped him up in my arms and snuggled into my bengal cat.

I felt so much in peace and the calm purring of Charlie was just so endearing that I almost sobbed into his clean fur. He started to shuffle around, so I put him over my chest and lay down properly on the couch. I caressed his back and scratched his ears softly.

Charlie was very calm unlike other days but I appreciated that he hasn’t started mauling my fingers. He licked my face tenderly and snuggled into my neck. I sighed and felt my consciousness slipping with each purr my cat made.